I understand how you are feeling. I have suffered from mental illness all my life. Been through years of depression and other mental disorders. Here’s my story.
I was always a loner, ever since childhood. I had a phobia of people, and so would avoid them. Other kids would go round to other children’s houses to play, but not me. It got much worse at high school, when I was bullied. It wasn’t physical, but psychological, and it almost ruined my life, as it gave me a complete fear of people. I saw them as a threat. Deep psychological patterns were created, and would be long-lasting.
Due to these issues, I felt unable to go to school and had to be removed from my class. Eventually I ended up leaving the school, to get some treatment.
I was given private tutoring, one to one on a daily basis with a retired teacher. After a year, I got a place in an adolescent unit for kids with psychological disorders, at a psychiatric hospital near Manchester, England. When I first entered the unit, I couldn’t even open my eyes in the presence of others, but gradually I was able to open up a little, and even make a couple of friends. It was a “safe” place for me. By the time I came out, I had more confidence.
Afterwards, my life went on an upward swing for a time. I joined another school, where I did well academically. I concentrated on my studies and got through my exams, then even went to university, at Salford, also near Manchester. I was still a complete loner, but was functioning.
But then, while I was working in Switzerland as part of my course, I developed an odour problem. This only exacerbated my issues. Still, I completed university, and then went to work in Japan as an English teacher. There I got married, and we had a child. We decided to come to live in the UK, and start a business here, but my various illnesses meant that this just didn’t work out. My wife left me for someone else, and took my son with her, not telling me where they were living. Despite many efforts to find my son, I haven’t seen him for eight years now.
Ever since, my psychological illnesses have been worse than ever. I have had several breakdowns, and wasn’t able to function for years. I have severe depression, Asperger Syndrome, social anxiety disorder, compulsive obsessive disorder and severe anxiety.
Road to Recovery
Nevertheless, I decided I couldn’t be like that for the rest of my life, and determined to find a cure. I studied extensively on the subject of depression and related topics, and gradually began to understand the subject in depth. I came to realise what I need to do to free myself from the scourge of this illness, and get my life back.
I am learning, and getting a little better each day, by employing the techniques I have learnt. Only small steps, but I believe I’m heading in the right direction.