It’s a Father and Child Reunion…. (As Paul Simon said)

Posted by in Anxiety, Asperger Syndrome, Depression, Mental Illness, My Life, Social Anxiety | 2 comments

It’s a Father and Child Reunion…. (As Paul Simon said)

I’ve told you all in a previous blog post that I haven’t seen my son for approximately fourteen years. As you can imagine, it’s been a completely heartbreaking time.

Nearly killed me on several occasions. And this, together with my various illnesses, broke me as a man. And it took years for me to get my life back together. But I did, and the many bad experiences I’ve had have improved me as a person, as I have learnt so so much from them all. I believe I’m a much a better person than I was several years ago.

Anyway, I have an update to share with you all. I now have contact with my son!!!!! You can imagine how I now feel. We’ve only exchanged a couple of messages, and we are hopefully going to meet up in the near future, but it’s a massive breakthrough, after so many years apart.

There’s a chance it might not work out, but it’s a start, and I’m overjoyed. I’m still in total shock, as it’s only taken place over the last three days, so I have a lot of thinking to do, and a lot of emotions to process.

I’m going to meet him up north, in Manchester in a couple of weeks or so. Probably in a shopping centre, but I think we might then go to a park or something, to get away from the crowds and give us a bit of peace and quiet to talk by ourselves. I’m so incredibly nervous and I can’t even imagine how nervous I will be on the day. I might even go back to the cigarettes:)

Of course my main priority is my son’s wellbeing. I have found out that he has psychological issues, much as I had growing up, and I don’t want to make anything worse. He is the number one priority in all this. He must have a good life, and I need to do everything I can to make that happen. I just worry so much about him and his development. 

Even though at times I thought I might never see him again in this lifetime, I always had hope. I always knew I was a good person, and that I would be rewarded some day. That belief has been tested a great deal over the years, but people around me have always been there for me, and reassured me that I am a kind and good person. I have needed plenty of reassurance, believe me. I was in a bad way for several years.

The struggles I had with social anxiety for many years have helped me to become the person I am today. I have studied and learnt a great deal about mental health disorders and how people think, and helping the people I help through my coaching has also taught me a great deal. I’m in a much better position to deal with meeting my son and dealing with his issues today, than I would have been a few years ago.

I’m just so incredibly happy and relieved at making contact again. At least he knows how I feel, and how I’ve been searching for him over the years. This has been an extremely personal post to write. I hope you enjoyed reading it.

If you enjoy reading my work, please subscribe, to get updates about social anxiety and mental illness in general.  There’s a form on this page. Many thanks! John

2 Comments

  1. You are a lucky man. My son died at 24 from smoking a so called legal high. He turned to drink and drugs to survive his anxiety. I had no real idea just how high his anxiety levels were or how it was impacting his life. Now we are left without him and it is such a waste, he was so incredible. Anxiety is overlooked so much in our society but I think that is starting to change.
    Good luck meeting your son, I hope he does not suffer as you have.
    Gary

    • Thank you Gary for writing. So sorry about your son. It’s so easy to fall into addiction as a support mechanism. Yes, you’re right, there isn’t enough help for sufferers. The world needs to become a much more compassionate place, especially as regards mental illness.

      Thanks for your good wishes. You’re very kind.

      Take care,

      John

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